‘Tis the season of weddings. Love, love, love it–even though it’s a constant reminder of just how single I really am. I’m not sure how you feel when you get that invitation in the mail, but I feel all bitter and want to throw a temper tantrum happy and excited. Really, I do feel happy and excited. Until I come to the répondez s’il vous plaît card. Do I put Jo plus 1 and hope I find a tall dark and handsome date to put on my arm? Or do I succumb to the reality that I am in fact single (and who knows, maybe I’ll meet someone at the reception)?
This past weekend was the Wedding Weekend Extravaganza. Two weddings in twenty-four hours is a lot of vows, flowers, wedding food and of course wedding cake. I had a blast taking pictures, laughing and dancing the night away with friends…and tackling everyone in my way so I could rip the bouquet out of another girl’s hand watching the bouquet fall in my lap during the bouquet toss; but a recurring thought popped into my head-I miss him! Don’t get me wrong. super excited for my newly-wedded friends, and I’m completely happy being single because I have the best friends and family in the world and know that this is what is right for me right now….but that’s not to say it doesn’t get lonely every once in a while. And when I get lonely, I miss my favorite mistake (If you haven’t already read Victoria’s post, read it here). It’s like I suffer from amnesia in moments of loneliness and forget all about the things that went on in our “relationship” (you will learn more about the quotations around the word “relationship” later on), and all the reasons why we will/can never work.
Its just like in a television show when flashbacks start playing. I get flashbacks of all our little inside jokes, the times he told me I was beautiful, those moments he made my heart melt, his sense of humor that made me smile and laugh so hard I cried… and the Colbie Cailliat song “I Do” plays in my head as the theme song. Then I quickly come to and think what is wrong with me?! I know I deserve better, but it doesn’t change the fact that I still miss those times with him.So what do I do? I cherish the times we had, but know I deserve better so I forget about it and move on with my day send him a text that says “I miss you.” How weak can I be?!
I often times see girls in relationships and it’s as if they are just in it because it’s easier than the alternative: loneliness. I catch myself thinking what is wrong with them? Don’t they see how dumb they are being? Just cut the ties and move on…better now than later. But then I see the same thing in myself. Wanting to run back to my favorite mistake, knowing full well that he’s not right for me, just because I’m lonely. Newsflash people: that is no way to find relief from loneliness.
Loneliness is something a lot of single women (and even men) struggle with. Is being married a remedy? Is having lots of friends a cure? My guess is probably not. But, growing closer to the One who will never leave us is sure to help. I’m not sure if I’m the only one…but sometimes I feel disconnected from God, and what His word tell us. I believe it’s true, but I have little faith that it’s true for me. What if I simply took Jesus at His word when he says that he heals the broken-hearted and binds their wounds and that He will never leave me? The one person that will never leave us, and can heal us from loneliness has been right here all along. I am the one that has moved away…not Him.
So, I will give a challenge to all the single ladies out there…if you are ever feeling lonely and want to run back to your favorite mistake, pick up your bible and read Psalm 139:7-12:
Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute—
you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you
XOXO,
